“I don’t watch Lost. I don’t really know anyone who watches Lost. I tried to watch an episode once because I thought the big guy was Rupert from Survivor. He wasn’t. Instead, it was some random big guy being chased though the jungle, periodically stopping to engage in bouts of nonsensical dialogue with a suburban MILF who never blinked and a shirtless Korean guy. Comically tense screeching violins bracketed every commercial break. I never watched again.”